Day by Day
by McGoogleRandom
Summary: The past comes to haunt Julia Ogden in a way she never expected One shot


**_I own nothing but the mistakes 3_**

* * *

This couldn't be happening to her. It physically could be happening. She had stopped the medication months ago, giving up all hope of ever conciving a child. the realization hit her and she stood frozen, unwilling to accept it. Though it all made sense. The dull ache in her back, the swollen ankles, the bossom so tender even sleep seemed impossible. And as she stood in the mirror, the small protruding bump on her stomach confirmed her worst fears. She couldn't do this again. Everything screamed failure, and she fought back the sudden urge to cry. It couldn't be happening. She refused to believe it.

"Julia! You ready to go?" her husband yelled from the kitchen. Snapped from her thoughts, Julia quickly thought up an excuse. She couldn't tell her husband. She couldn't bare to see him hurt again.

"One second love! I can't decide which dress to wear." she yelled, quickly moving herself towards the closet. She hated lying to him. It broke her heart. But what choice did she have? Until she, herself, Julia Ogden, had come to terms with it, it was best remained forgotten. With a shaky breath she watched as her husband carefully pulled out an outfit for her.

"Is this okay?" he asked, laying it one the bed for her to examine.

"Yes. Perfect." she said distractedly, internally scolding herself for it. He knew something was up now. there was no hiding it.

"Julia? Is everything alright?" he asked, calmly stepping beside her. Curse those eyes so innocent and scared. She wanted to tell him everything. How everything was not okay. How scared she was at possibly being a mother again. How terrified she was of this pregnancy. How sorry she was for lying.

"I'm fine William." she whispered, lying through her teeth yet again. And it was left at that. William nodded and retreated out the door, looking over his shoulder one last time. She gave a faint smile and sqeezed herself into her dress. Double checking her hair one last time, the pair went arms linked towards the morgue, the one place Julia could be alone.

* * *

When the victim of a viscous stabbing was rolled into the morgue, her first instict was to run to the washbasin to hurl. The body hadn't even been undraped yet. The simple blood stain was enough to rouse her stomach. She wanted to curse the thing inhabiting her but she couldn't. She didn't want it to feel un loved, as hipacritical as it was. Her husband, William, was at her side in seconds. With gentle hands, he soothed her as sobs of embaresment over came her.

She felt guilty. He didn't know it then, but she did. What kind of mother rejects their un born child? And suddenly she felt so alone, the tears she shed were for more than embaresment. She curled into her husbands chest and cried, unable to admit her secret.

* * *

She knew he was becoming suspicious. The second trimester had brought morning sickness and migranes, for which she claimed was over stressing. She knew she would start showing. There was no denying the fact. Her husband knew it too. She just refused to get attached.

Then one day there was cramping. Horrible, awful cramping. The past came to light and she collapsed on her knees hugging her stomach, crying. She knew this would come. She just wasn't prepared to go through it again. Just when she thought it couldn't get any worse, it stopped. As quickly as it had come, it left. As she looked at the carpet beneath her, she saw no blood. There was nothing. She felt nothing at all.

Then it fluttered. It was the oddest sensation for one to feel. She slowly stood up, fearing she would break down again. Her sobs had seased for a moment as curiosity crept in. She poked and proded at her abdomen, begging for it move again. When it did, she cried out joy, all the surpressed emotions overflowing in one big sob. Her body relaxed at the lost tension, her mind now willing to accept this tiny miracle.

Her husband had been woken up by her sobbing and imediatly rushed to her side. He asked and asked, wanting to help but just didnt know how. Her knees gave way and she fell to the floor, her cheeks now stained with tears. She looked at her husband and smiled.

"It _moved_."

* * *

He was hurt. she knew he was. All she wanted to do was protect him from another heart break. But by protecting him, it was her who broke his heart. He was happy yes. He asked questions and made plans but he did it mechanicaly. His smile didn't shine as bright. His deprived of tenderness.

She tries and tries to apologize, but her words fall on deaf ears. At night she craddles her bump, quietly repeating "_I'm sorry, I'm sorry_", as if the mantra would fix everything.

* * *

One day when her bump was huge and her back sore, she woke up to no husband. She cried for most of the morning, hoping that some force up there would see fit to send him back. She regreted her actions. But one can not erase the past. So she got up on shaky legs, and started her search.

It had been a while since she had seen his collegues. She watched the phases of shock pass through their face but found no joy in it.

"Has my huband been here at all?" she asked. They shook their heads and watched her leave, un able to comprehend the sight that was Julia Ogden.

* * *

When she returned home that evening she found her husband waiting in the living room. He had flowers in his hands and remorse in his eyes. She embrassed him, relived to have him home alive. The couple apologized over their tears, refusing to let go. Her baby twisted and kicked and she laughed at her husbands response.

Their first baby didn't kick.

* * *

She knew she should go to the hospital. Her braxton hicks had long gone, replaced by blinding contractions. She kept herself busy, folding and re folding the baby clothes, her husband keeping an un comfortable eye on her. At every wince he was at her side begging her to let him escort her to the doctor. Every time she claimed it was"_just another braxton hick_". He made her promise to leave when her water broke, without knowing it broke while he was at work.

The pain was unbearable now, rendering her un able to walk. She knew she should have left. She didnt need to be told. The contractions where at the uncomfortable point where the pain faded but never left. She was scared. Hell, she was full on terrified! She refused to leave because leaving made it real. She was a mom now. It scared the life out of her. She didn't know anything about parenting. But now she had put both their lives at risk by not going. How will she be a good mother if she can't look after herself?

When the midwife came and told her to push, she screamed in denial. She couldn't do it. The pain was too much. She was tired and sore and so dearly wanted her mom. Funny how thats the one thing she wanted. Her husband whispered words of encouragment in her ear and somehow convinced her to push.

She birthed a lovely baby girl.

* * *


End file.
